


Unbreakable/Monster

by intothemidnightblue



Series: Musicbox [10]
Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Songfic, eventually, sad higgs, sam is there for him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:07:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23370685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intothemidnightblue/pseuds/intothemidnightblue
Summary: There was blood in the news right from the start
Relationships: Sam Porter Bridges/Higgs Monaghan
Series: Musicbox [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/792762
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	Unbreakable/Monster

**Author's Note:**

> Encore: Why do We Stay  
> This one I definitely recommend listening to these songs by Seafret while reading.  
> no beta

_In my room, working out the situation_

_Should have known it could fall apart_

_Me and you, we're just like the television_

_There was blood in the news right from the start_

_Caught in the dark with a sound in my heart_

_Hiding alone down on the floor_

_Out of my depth and I'm holding my breath_

_Don't wanna go outside the door_

It was after.

It had been after for a while.

And there was nowhere to turn.

Higgs has been on his own for a while, alone with his thoughts. It wasn’t the best combination.

I don’t want to hear, I don’t want to feel.

_Now you put on your best disguise_

_Make something up when they ask you why the cold_

_It gets me right to the bone_

_Paralyzed by my own emotion_

_Out of my mind, looking for a way out of here_

_Out of here_

_Terrified and my feet are frozen_

In the beginning, it was all teasing. There was always Higgs, his underlying current of madness, but it was fun. Sam was a challenge. He was different than everyone else who had ever had the unfortunate fate of coming across Higgs at his worst. He always made sure he was on his worst behavior. She liked him untamed. It sold the story when he was still wild.

But Sam tamed his demons ever time. A moment, he had stayed too long and Sam had caught him and it was looking like another punch drunk fight until Sam flung them into a hug so tight they landed in Sam’s beach. Really, Higgs had defaulted there, surrounded by the man as his mind had screamed to flee.

So there they were. Sinking into the sand. On their knees, to the ground, tangled. And Higgs cried. He cried into Sam’s exhausted arms. Higgs could notice the bone-deep malaise of many days running across the UCA. The kind of tired that hurts your soul and pricks and tears at anyone who dare touch it, try and rip it out and bandage the wound. Higgs wanted to do just that, in a moment of clarity. He wanted nothing more than to touch and take away the pain.

_You know you kill me so slowly_

_Something inside got me wondering is this real?_

_Is this real?_

It didn’t feel real, and like a dream, it didn’t last. There were lions and tigers and bears in their minds. They were a battlefield on Christmas.

_I try to run and then I give up_

_Only yesterday we had it all_

_I'm hearing voices in my head_

_I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna fear_

_Say you ain't afraid of nothing_

_Everybody is scared of something_

He remembered his father, Higgs did. Remembered why he trudges on through the mud of Sam’s father’s war zone every time he gets caught in the path. The downside of carrying around a BB when a crazed ghost was looking for his. He was told the story one night when he couldn’t sleep and landed in Amelie’s domain. He knows he didn’t hear it right, but it was a good tale all the same for a little boy in the dark alone.

_Smoke in my chest from my last cigarette_

_And the dog start to howl at the moon_

_Black silhouettes gonna haunt me again_

_Creeping out from the shadows of the room_

_Now there's nothing, nothing_

_We used to be unbreakable_

Sam again. Always Sam. They had been caught in a bit of timefall that interrupted their fight. Higgs had rolled his eyes and tried to stop it, but he was out of juice, and Sam wasn’t looking too good either. Yet, with the energy of lost youth, Sam grabbed his hand with the force of a punch in its own right and together they ran for shelter. Higgs blipped them the last bit as soon as they locked eyes on a destination. The least, and only thing he could do in their miniature truce. They were not a moment too soon, barely being able to catch their breath when the BTs manifested. Higgs was well and truly out, so they huddled together and stilled their breath until the danger had passed.

_Grateful for the things I have_

_You borrow love and then you give it back_

_People quit before they even try to make those pieces fit_

One could almost imagine they were porters on parallel journeys, just each other passing by like dust in the wind. A moment of calm between them before they face the whirlwind.

“Why?” Sam had asked, his voice drenched in the creeping malaise Higgs would one day banish.

“It is inevitable,” Higgs replied in a coarse whisper, incredulously.

They were breathing each other’s air, and it already felt like too much. Heady, Higgs leaned in and they kissed like it was just something they’ve always done. It wasn’t like the old videos. Higgs had tar streaks down his face and Sam had tears as well. They were both dirty and bruised and bone tired.

_Paralyzed by my own emotions_

_Something inside got me wondering is this real?_

_Is this real?_

It was real. Sam was so real. Touching him without violence was better than any drug. Higgs was careful to not catch skin, but when he did, there was not the expected flinch, just a shiver of something mixed and mending. They were soon kissing as if the only air in the universe was the air in their lungs. It was beautiful in its own right, because Sam was beautiful. There was something within him that could heal Higgs with one touch and he was hugging it with all he had. Amelie could fuck herself and the rest of the world ten times over if they could just stay like this forever. But like all dreams, no matter how real, they end.

_No one knows where the ice will split_

_Now you put on your best disguise_

It was after.

It had been for a while, and Higgs was so alone.

Fragile checked in on him sometimes, but she could see his marching penance. She left him alone to wallow. She knew what it felt like, and sometimes it needed to be felt. Like a detox, he could feel his soul reviving, but the pain it brought from being torn into so many tiny pieces. The mending process left him screaming. He almost voided out his tiny home with the pressure.

_I'm hearing voices in my head_

_I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna fear_

He could feel his strands to all his friends on the other side. He held onto them too tightly. People had gotten word of the preppier cut off by a sea of BTs. Big ones, small ones, all ones. Just as they had heard about Sam, chipping away at the edges of it. Fighting and clawing his way in. Higgs could feel him out there, they were connected like never before after their fight. Like Amelie had held their strand hostage for so long, and now that it had dropped back to earth it was like wildfire. He wouldn’t help Sam reach him, even when the concern and worry and despair from the other man almost drove him to clear the field and leap into Sam’s arms. He had to deal with this first part alone.

_I'm seeing monsters in my bed_

_I don't wanna see, I don't wanna fear_

When Sam reached him, it was right on time. Higgs had drained the last of his reserves. He was spent in tears and BTs. It was silent when Sam had opened the door, finding Highs quickly and wrapping him in the warmest hug of the century. It was everything Higgs needed, stitching up what had been spent. And thus, Higgs began his life again, rising from the ashes.

“Let’s go home.”

_If everything was just a lie, then go_

_Because we're better alone_

“When this is over-“ Higgs had started. They were stuck in another timefall storm, only much worse than the last time. This one was directly Higg’s fault though. The closer they got to extinction, the more unraveled he became. He was fraying, barely able to keep his own BTs at bay.

“I won’t kill you, I won’t let you die,” Sam said in a voice that transcended their liminal comforts.

“You aren’t in charge of that, you won’t get a say,” Higgs knew.

“Higgs...”

“When this is over… don’t let me rot on the beach. Take me home.”

“Home?”

“You’ll know where when the time comes. I don’t have many fond memories of the place, maybe none at all... but it was the last place I was whole, in a way. Daddy was never fond of other folk, it’s well out of the way. Name the crater after me.”

Sam didn’t say anything. There was slim chance he’d feel comfortable letting Higgs voidout when there was never enough time to make sure there was no one in the area, so many factors to take into account, but with everything Higgs was, he could see where the appeal had come from.

_You know you kill me so slowly_

_I try to run and then I give up_

_I don't wanna do this anymore_

_Tired of break like waves on the shore_

_No one wants to be lonely_

_Say you ain't afraid of nothing_

_Everybody is scared of something_

_I wanna let you know_

_I ain't afraid no more_

_I wanna let you know_

Sam had made a home out of an overgrown preppier shelter. Someone had experimented with building above ground as well, so in the new world, with fading BTs and less timefall, it was one of the first buildings in the world to be make livable again, not in the center of a city. It was an odd structure, brutalism-meets-log-cabin-aesthetic, but it was cozy in its own way. Higgs had taken very kindly to placing himself near the hearth. They were pretty isolated here, so it was possible to light a fire when they were both feeling brave.

_I'm so sick of one-sided love_

_Only yesterday we had it all_

“I love you,” Higgs had said, whispered after their big fight. It was a goodbye just for Sam. There was nothing left, no reason to hide it anymore.

_Now there's nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing_

_When the door's close and you're alone_

_It's a battle, you have to keep on running_

_And stand tall through the dark times that will follow_

Higgs had sat himself up on a rock, giving into the forever that awaited him. He was both so far away from them all, and both so close. He could hear what had gone on with Sam, Bridget, Amelie, all of them, but he couldn’t see them. He just knew, in his heart, he would be left here alone.

“I love you too, dickhead.”

Higgs opened his eyes slowly as relief came pouring out of every fiber of his being.

_I'm hearing voices in my head_

_I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna fear_

_I'm seeing monsters in my bed_

_I don't wanna see, I don't wanna fear_

Higgs still wakes with nightmares chasing him. Only now, a steady arm grounds him away from the demons of his mind. This is real, he is home. Home is Sam, it always has been, how could anyone else ever compare to what truly makes him whole again?

_I wanna let you know_

_I wanna let you know_

_I wanna let you know_

_You have to keep on fighting_

_'Cause who knows where the road goes_

_Is it too late? Or is it perfect timing?_

_The more you hold on, the slower it dies_

_Feelings they eat you alive, yeah, alive_

_Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh_

_You know you kill me so slowly_

_I try to run and then I give up_

_Only yesterday we had it all_

_Now there's nothing, nothing_

_We used to be unbreakable_

_We used to be unbreakable_

_Saying you ain't afraid of nothing_

_Everybody is scared of something_

It was after.

It had been for a while.

And there was Sam, beside him.

Gone was their armor. No more fighting with fists and furious heat. They were as they are and will be from now until forever. They were home.

Higgs could ride out the worst of it with Sam by his side. He felt things deeply now, as deeply as the strands of his BTs had cut into him.

He couldn’t say he was very welcome anywhere outside of here and when he looked leashed by Fragile, but it was a start. It was healing. It was wiping away the lifelong grime of trauma and terrible acts. It would take a while, but it was worth it.

_He had a temper and when it went off was as deadly as a gun_

_He made her feel like she had nowhere to run_

_Clinging together like honey and leather_

_Ridiculous when you look back_

_Like it was preordained, they wore everything black_

_Why do we stay?_

_Stay surrounded by people that don't want us_

_In places we're not wanted_

_Tell me why you stay_

_Stay surrounded by people that don't want you_

_In places you're not wanted_

_Tell me why you stay_

**Author's Note:**

> i write,,, more.  
> I have a real death standing fic coming to fruition, could really use the encouragement on getting that to something I'd wanna post. I love it so far but you know how writing goes.  
> Quarantine is flickering my productivity like a light switch. 
> 
> _____________________________________________  
> comments and kudos make me exist  
> find me on tumblr @ [lockewoodandco](http://www.lockewoodandco.tumblr.com)  
> twit @ [ jaceisblue](http://twitter.com/jaceisblue)  
> Also, check out my backlog!


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